A friend of mine just wrote something about how temporary everything is. I tried to write a comment but realized that what I was composing was getting a little bit too long. So, I’m writing it here as note, instead.
In a generation of instant noodles and credit cards, we get the feeling that we are the center of everything. This and that will make it fast for YOU. This and that will make it more convenient for YOU. You, you, and nothing but You. Yes, you want nobody, nobody but you! We oftentimes forget our real stand: We are nothing before God.
I have been jobless for a couple of months now. I prayed hard for two really nice employers but received no call from them yet. I am praying hard for a special someone too but no, he has not knocked on my door yet. I am still single and jobless. I am in a perfect situation for SELF-pity. But then again, it’s not about mySELF.
God is inside of me telling me, “SO, WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO PRAISE ME ONLY WHEN YOU ARE TRAVELLING FROM THE PHILIPPINES TO SPAIN AND IRELAND AND THEN CURSE ME WHEN YOU ARE IN THE PHILIPPINES, JOBLESS AND SINGLE?”
To all those who are reading this blog, I am revealing to you now my deepest desires. I have been writing so much about His blessings in my life (topics like: passing NCLEX , touring Dublinand Madrid, the feeling of being forgiven) but have not given much attention to the trials that He has allowed me to experience. Knowing Christ does not mean that Mr. Pleasure and Ms. Happiness will never ever leave you or forsake you. In the Bible, it is GOD who won’t leave us or forsake us. Blessings can come in a white or black box. It can come during summer or winter. It can come with a smile or with a tear. It can come now or it can show you the meaning of pertinaciousness.
This blog is not an attempt to explain everything that is happening in our lives. Everything is just too mysterious for us, humans. Right now, I still see myself climbing a very tall mountain. Most of the time, I find myself perspiring, wondering why I am in this situation. I tell God my desires, while I’m catching my breath, and then He tells me to wait. I tell God that it’s difficult and painful, and that I skinned my knee while walking unsteadily towards the top, but He tells me to just abide in Him. My life is not perfect and I still sin and yes, I complain, but the truth is, GOD IS ALWAYS AROUND. He knows that our lives are like flowers, which are here today and gone tomorrow. He knows that when we die, being jobless or not wouldn’t matter anymore. He knows our favorite sins but looks at the righteousness of His son, instead. Also, He doesn’t look at our civil status. He looks at our hearts, our motives, our faith. And faith is not just about going to church and talking about God, FAITH IS being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. When life removes or withholds this precious thing from us, do we still look at God and say “You are good!”? Or do we look at our situation, as if it’s going to last forever?
My prayer is for me and you to go deeper with Christ. He told me before, while I was preparing for our out-of-the-country trip, that He will travel with me. And He really did! In the same way, He tells us now that when we go through all the ups and downs of our journey as His children, He’s going to be with us. Everything here on earth (our lives, concerns, etc.) might not be around tomorrow when we wake up. But one thing is permanent— God’s love for us.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about, the way… HE LOVES US  (David Crowder Band’s Version)
ROMANS 8 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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Just a few hours ago, my sister asked me to rearrange the contents of an old luggage. It contains nothing but school papers, notebooks and all the other stuff that I chose to keep as memories of my college days. So the rearranging meant that I had to remove a few items because the bag was too big for the space under my bed. So, I discarded a lot of papers that are really useless for me now. While I was doing this, I also checked the notebooks that I didn’t throw away yet. Three or four of those notebooks contain journals that I wrote 5 years ago. As I read it, I was amazed because I felt like a first year nursing student again. The grammar was not perfect but so is my memory. I cannot remember all things but I can always choose to write them down for my future self to reminisce. Here are a few notes that I’d like to share:
from a journal that was required from us by a clinical instructor: “… That night, i changed the water of the flowers in the room of my patient. Then, while waiting for 8PM, the time when I’ll be getting the vital signs of my client, I cleaned the room and arranged the things of my patient. I also straightened out the bed sheet and the blanket. Then, I got his vital signs and after doing so, I asked him if he wanted to have a cleansing bed bath. He then refused, saying that he is experiencing chills. I also offered to cut his nails, but then again, he refused. So, I just wiped his face and skin with a dry cloth. Then I charted everything and copied some of the medications. By 9PM, we had our circle then we were dismissed.” (date written: Sept 24, 2004) —> reminded me of all the little things that we had to do as nurses. this is for me now who is not practicing her profession. i miss all the nail cutting and sweat wiping. my profession is a caring one indeed.
from a personal journal:
… nothing can ever replace a happy family (May 12, 2004)
…when you truly love, a second chance is always easy to give (May 12, 2004)
…it is very easy to find someone new but it is very difficult to find something real (May 12, 2004)
…there are many excuses that the mind can make but it us up to us to figure out what really needs to be done, even though there are actually many reason for us to just ignore it (May 12, 2004)
…for the things Lord that I do not need, you are free to take them away but please, please, give me the strength (7:41PM, May 14, 2004) –>until now, these lessons hold true for me. years have passed but i still yearn for my family to be happy. i still believe that forgiveness comes from a heart that loves the one who fell short of its standards. i still think that when you really want someone or something, nothing can hold you back from pursuing that object of affection– not even the fear of being rejected or disappointed. lastly, i really think that the Lord has the right to give and to take away things or people from our lives. we can only pray for strength because we know that His will is perfect but not always painless for us.
lastly, here’s a note from me last May 08, 2004 at 12:48AM
“I oftentimes forget that it is ME who has control of my thoughts, feelings and actions… GOD is there to help but He gave me the freedom to CHOOSE” this is something that still holds true about myself today. i do this and that but forget the consequences. recently, i chose to let my mind dwell on something that wasn’t really for me. i ended up disappointed but a realization came that it was me who decided to take that path.
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Tonight is my last night. Yes, we’ll be leaving Ireland in a few hours. It’s my last night here and this is my first blog entry created in this country.
I have always wanted to create a travel blog… but no, this is not about the places that I’ve been to. I have also wanted to create numerous notes while I am here… but honestly, I have been too lazy slash busy to compose anything. I do have a couple of memorable compositions in my notebook.. but then again, I haven’t found the time and courage to post them here.
And so, I write my first (blog entry) on my last (night).
I don’t know exactly what to say… except that I am thankful. I still remember those days when I had to photocopy all the documents for our visa application… and now, we’ve come near to the end of our Ireland adventure. Adventure indeed with the best persons in the world– my imperfect family. IMPERFECT because I know their flaws, BEST because God chose them to take care of me. *SMILES*
So, tonight I look back on what God has shown me. Through this trip, God revealed to me the things that I needed to change about myself. Through this journey, God showed me His artistic ability when it comes to His creation. Through this experience, God made me realize that He will really provide for me, take care of me, and be with me, NO MATTER WHAT.
We have been to a lot of counties here in Ireland and never did God withhold anything good from me. He provided three lovely homes– one in Dublin, one in Kilkenny and one in Kerry. Free of charge. I cannot boast of anything because those three houses are not mine. I can only thank God and the people behind all these. Thanks Ate Lani, Ms. Breda and Mr. Walsh.
He also allowed me to experience a lot of things for the first time. For the first time, I was able to go out the Philippines. For the first time, I was able to ride Metro Madrid while were there for our lay-over. For the first time, I was able to experience Autumn. I can’t name all of my first time experiences but I certainly know that God wanted me to learn from all these. I am His child, His student, His creation and His beloved. *SMILES*
A year or two from now, I’ll be reading this entry again with a smile. I may not be able to go to Ireland again very soon but through my pictures, blog entry and private articles in my notebook, I’ll be able to remember His faithfulness to me while I was here. He promised to be with me EVERYWHERE and He fulfilled it. Thank You Jesus.
2 Timothy 2:13
If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny who he is.
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Yesterday, me and my family went to Park Mall to buy some needed grocery items. I was exploring an isle while my sister and mother were in the meat section. The diapers being sold caught my attention. I said to myself that it’s such a relief to have no baby at home since it would cost us more if there was ‘diapers’ in our grocery list. I actually thanked the Lord that it’s not necessary for us to buy Pampers, EQ and the like. It was just a random thought for me.
After we paid for everything, the lady in the cashier told us to go to the promotions department. I immediately went to that area where we could claim our free item. There was a ball that I needed to drop so that it would land in one of the letters (A-E). I did it with confidence (and prayer!) and it landed in letter E’s box. The man there congratulated me and then handed me 8 pieces of Pampers! I really voiced out my concern that we do not have a baby at home. The customer next to me burst out laughing. That actually made me smile.
Anyway, what’s the point of sharing this experience? God was actually telling me to stop worrying about my financial status. It’s less than two weeks away before our Euro trip and I have to mention about my inability to buy some of my wants. But it’s fine, I know He will provide what I need and what’s important is I’ll be seeing my dearest sister very soon. I miss her a lot. Thank you Lord for being such a funny Teacher. Yes, I’ll truly remember this: “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”- Romans 8:32. ALL THINGS INDEED! hehehe.
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A realization came to me after borrowing a book from a friend. We called his book a “collector’s item.” All the bookstores in Cebu, including the newer ones, do not have that particular phrasebook anymore. They had other languages, other publishers, but they’re not exactly what I was looking for.
At first, I was hesitant in taking the book home with me since I know that my hands’ hyperhidration can easily discolor and damage it. I just can’t afford ruining such a precious item. I might be overreacting but you would understand me once you know how meticulous that friend of mine is. Meticulous in a good way, if I may add. If I can just find a replacement if ever I end up staining the pages with my wet and dirty hands then I wouldn’t have to worry much. But then again, it’s one of a kind. It’s not worth the risk.
Then it came to me that we are like that particular book. Each one of us is unique and nobody can ever find an exact replica of us. But too many times, I see people using others, thinking that they are dispensable or replaceable. They throw people away, leaving deep wounds and lasting scars. The value is lost and everything is not the same anymore. Say for example a man who demanded much from her girlfriend. They committed the act and then they broke up. Will they be happier now than before they met each other? Would their rightful lovers (AKA future spouses) benefit from it? I doubt it.
My point is not to judge people and their decisions. I have my own share of foolishness too in handling matters like this. But I just want to impart that there’s another way of doing things. This is not about being afraid of risks or pain. It’s all about seeing the real worth of a person. The beauty of love is seen not just in taking chances but in taking responsibilities. You don’t just give your heart away, you choose who you want to give it to. And when you care for that person, you mean it and you want that person’s happiness not just now but in the future, with or without you in it. It’s not always about seizing every opportunity, but making sure that in the long run, it will all be worth it. They say, one good reason for doing the right thing today is tomorrow.
I will be returning the book a few days from now. It’s on my table, untainted as if the borrower doesn’t have sweaty hands. I love the book but I know that I am not the rightful owner. I end up satisfied when I return it and the owner would surely appreciate the extra care that I took while it was with me. I hope everything was as easy as this so that there would be less injured hearts seeking for questions, asking for healing, and dealing with pain. Those unnecessary consequences from hasty decisions or deliberate disobedience are not worth it once you realize the real value of your heart.
References: Love always protects… (1 Corinthians 13:7) , Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23) and Spanish Phrasebook and Dictionary (HarperCollins Publishers)
PS: For those who have regrets, remember that there’s always forgiveness for a sincere and sorry heart. And for those who are thinking of giving it all up, think again and pray hard for your heart.
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Last week was not a great one for me. For days, fever became my alarm clock. A paracetamol tablet and a glass of very cold water were my closest friends. The thermometer never left my bedside and according to the lab result, my WBC failed me. My prayer then was for me to wake up fever-free. It sounded simple yet I know I was desperate. I never felt so sick, my whole life.
Thankfully, before the week ended, I was able to recover. It’s a beautiful reason to rejoice– that I’m healthy and finally, afebrile!
Thank you Lord for giving me a chance to live a good life. Let me not take for granted this gift. I love You!
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I have read in another blog that taking pictures is not the only way to keep a record of what has been happening in your life. Writing is another way. It’s really amazing because only a few people realize that. I hope that my words won’t fail me now in my attempt. If God would allow me to live another year, then I would want to read this entry again when 2010 comes and look back at the old me.
Today is the second Monday of June and Jessica is jobless. Hours ago, I saw my payslip from Etelecare dated January 2008. The numbers there looked really impressive! It made me long for that feeling again of having something to look forward to every 15 days. It also made me realize one thing– that He is a great provider. I have resigned from that company more than a year ago. Now, my heart is yearning for employment but my soul knows that He never left my side. Father, thanks for always being with me. I don’t know how You do it but Your ways are really mysterious and perfect!
It’s now 7:27 PM to be exact. I am waiting for results too– two to be exact. One would be for my IELTS exam and the other would be for my Schengen Visa. It’s like being in a valley– two mountains are blocking your view and you have to do some climbing. Climbing for me is fighting the urge to worry. I have read that when you worry about something that you can’t change, then that’s stupidity. On the other hand, when you worry about something that you can still change then why worry? When you can still change it. I can’t change the results now and I certainly don’t want to do something stupid. Just like the answer in the movie “Slumdog Millionaire”– it is written. Jaiho! God has everything prepared for me.
Before this month will end, I believe there will be a lot of surprises for me. I will be able to know if I did fine on the English exam and on the visa interview. But I know one thing– that He will never change. Whether it’s 2009 or 2010, April or June, AM or PM, jobless or not, approved or denied– I know that He is with me.
ISAIAH 41:10– do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
It has been written and I leave it all to the Author.
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Some illnesses get their names from the first person to describe them, such as Alzheimer’s disease, named for German psychiatrist Alois Alzheimer. Others get their name from a famous sufferer, for example Lou Gehrig’s disease, named after the legendary baseball player who fell ill with the degenerative nerve disorder also known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Still others get their name from their origin, like the West Nile Virus, a mosquito-borne illness that began in Africa and now infects horses, cattle and people as far away as the United States.
With influenza, there appear to be no clear rules how to name a strain, and that’s ruffled some feathers.
The most lethal flu ever, in 1918, became known as the Spanish flu. The deadly flu that initially swept across Western Europe didn’t originate in Spain, but England, France and Germany all had blackouts on news that might lower morale. They remained mum on the deadly influenza. Spain was neutral and had no such blackout. Spanish newspapers published stories about local outbreaks, giving rise to that country’s strong association with the deadly pandemic, which eventually killed 20 million or more not only in Europe but across the globe. Competing theories put the real ground zero of the Spanish flu either in Kansas or British training camps in France and England.
A few years back, when a potentially deadly flu began in Asia, it took the name of the source of the illness: avian influenza, or bird flu. People contracted the disease through contact with domesticated chicken, ducks and turkeys infected with the virus or surfaces contaminated with their waste. Hence the name. There were no outcries from the poultry industry, and the virus also known as H5N1 has kept the moniker “bird flu.”
When health officials dubbed the cause of the current outbreak “swine flu” because it contains pig genes, they sparked an uproar. The pork industry cried foul, claiming the name was misleading and bad for business (The new virus actually combines two human viruses, a pig virus and a bird virus). CNN received a flood of e-mails asking whether the virus can be spread by eating pork (It can’t). China and the Philippines stopped importing U.S. pork. Russia banned pork, meat and poultry from states where the outbreak had been reported. Egypt ordered the slaughter of that nation’s 300,000 pigs.
At an emergency Senate Appropriations Committee hearing on the outbreak last week, Sen. Tom Harkin, a Democrat from the pig-rich state of Iowa, focused not only on the size or spread of the outbreak but its name.
“But why wouldn’t it be called an avian virus, if it has the avian genes as well as the swine genes?” Harkin asked Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.
Fauci’s response: “When it has a pig gene in it, you generally call it a swine virus. The reason why we don’t say swine, bird, human is that we don’t usually see a triple reassortment. This is a very unusual situation.”
Last week, health officials in the United States renamed the virus at the heart of the global outbreak “2009 H1N1.” H1N1 is a scientific designation describing the physical characteristics of the virus. The European Union and World Health Organization followed suit. The WHO is now calling the virus H1N1 influenza A.
Despite the name change, the initial swine flu designation may dog the pork industry for some time to come – and may give health officials pause the next time they attach a name to a virus.
SOURCE: http://pagingdrgupta.blogs.cnn.com/category/swine-flu/
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Last night, I slept earlier than usual. Unfortunately, I woke up in the middle of the night with a troubled heart. I don’t know what exactly disquieted me. I just knew that peace had left me and that I wasn’t all right.
I switched on the lamp near the bed while hearing my dog breathe. He too, like me, was not asleep anymore. There was a stack of books on the table but I reached out for a book that was already in my bed. It was a KJV Bible that a friend of mine gave me. Something led me to Psalm 91. Here are the verses that moved me:
Psalm 91:5 Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Psalm 91:9 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
The terror by night woke me up but it can never rob me of my real Peace who is Jesus. In the same way, trials may come and failures may abound in my life but these can never stop me from running to Him who gives joy, protection and deliverance. The good thing is He always comes to the rescue no matter how undeserving I feel.
Psalm 91:14-15 says: Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
And for that, I thank and praise Him.
He that by faith chooses God for his protector, shall find all in him that he needs or can desire. Great security is promised to believers in the midst of danger. Wisdom shall keep them from being afraid without cause, and faith shall keep them from being unduly afraid. Whatever is done, our heavenly Father’s will is done; and we have no reason to fear.
(Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on Psalm 91)
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Imagine having a hungry stomach with only one piece of cookie left. Would you be willing to give the last piece to a hungr y woman? No, this is not about Fita’s advertisement. How about if you have all the 9 pieces of biscuits and someone is begging you for the whole pack? Would you give everything despite the fact that you’re hearing your bowel sounds even without the help of a stethoscope?
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I know it’s hard to give something so valuable when you most need it. Yes, there are times when giving is so easy. Example is when we give away things that we do not need anymore thus giving birth to the saying “Someone’s garbage is someone else’s treasure”. We also believe in the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and so we give away things that are not anymore desirable to us. The point is, it’s easy to give when we feel that we’re not losing anything.
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But what if a person is asking for that newly bought Dell Inspiron? It’s functional, brand-new and perfectly colored!
You bought it for yourself after saving for a year and now this person who is asking you for this Dell portable happens to be your favorite brother. After contemplating, you give in because you love him and you trust him that
he will indeed take good care of it. You might even get to borrow it from him!
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So years after, you finally bought another gadget.
 It’s the MacBook Air that you have been dreaming about since time immemorial. Now, someone comes to you and tells you that he wants that from you. This person happens to be an enemy! You know that this person also has a reputation of being reckless or foolhardy. Too bad, this one and only MacBook Air of yours would just end up in the garbage bin after a few months or so. This person will definitely not value this precious possession of yours. BUT there is something that keeps on knocking deep inside you. It’s the fact that you love that person, without conditions. So you give away your precious Mac notebook. Love made a way! Love gave away! Sounds too good to be true, right? .
This situation reminds me of my Heavenly Father who gave His all for us. He had a Son, named Jesus, and He was His one and only. He knew from the very start that He will be giving Him up to a world that is characterized by careless unconcern. I am part of that world that He loved without any limits or conditions. So I am just going to speak for myself.
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I know well that I have been a sinner from the very start. I haven’t been the princess that He hoped I would be. I loved playing with fire which burned not only my fingers but also his heart. I hurt Him without any doubt. Yet, His Word tells me that He knew me even when I was still in my mother’s
womb. This reminds me that He knew all along that I was going to go against Him sooner than anyone could ever expect. I was a slave to sin who didn’t know that I was already bought with a price to be free. If I already knew about it, my heart just didn’t believe and receive a gift that sounded too good to be true.
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I lived a life of a slave, ate a pig’s feed
and slept with a pillow made of rock. I chose those things for myself by simply going against Him. I loved my ways and hated His. He knew all those things well and it made Him bleed. It made Him send His Son to save me. Was it easy for the Father? Was it easy for Jesus?
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Just imagine giving up that cookie, that Dell laptop, that MacBook Air, that very life of yours to a criminal. Would that be easy? NO! But what could be the only reason for you to just give in? The reason is LOVE. Nothing less.
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For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
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So, this is what we are called for. One verb to summarize our purpose– to LOVE.
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Difficult? YES. Impossible? NO.
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One verb to summarize His will for us– to be LOVED.
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The purpose of this article is to remind myself of what God has done for me. I knew it even before I came to know Him personally but I was too calloused to care. Even now, I sometimes get insensitive to His call to be like Him. Everytime I forget this truth, I would feel dead, when I should be feeling alive for all that He has already done for me two thousand years ago.
Finally, I wish to share about the depth of His love for us. It is so great that we can never imagine any other reason for His surrender to us. Only love could make it so tangible and real. Only love could make a way.
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